Friday, June 10, 2011

Ponder This...Involuntary Shimmying

Most of my blogs so far have been on more of a serious note, but I'm going to lighten the mood for a bit with a frivolous topic...pedicures. For Mother's Day I received a gift certificate for a pedi and a massage, and I decided to do the pedi first. I should tell you that I have never had a pedi in my life. In fact, I have not had paint on my toenails in roughly 12 years. Though I consider myself a fashionable person, I am a pretty low mantainence kind of girl. My nails grow nicely, and I don't really mess with them other than to shine them up with coconut oil now and then.

So, on to the "experience". I arrive at the spa (Be Renued), and I'm greeted by a nice girl who appears to be 14, and is wearing shorts and cowboy boots. (I really don't understand this trend, but that is for another blog.) My pedicureist (is that a word?) leads me to a chair where I put my feet into a heavenly warm bubbly tub. She's got to go get something, so she hastily explains the chair remote to me, switches it "on" and disappears. Now this chair starts massaging my back, and it feels pretty nice. I'm starting to really relax, when suddenly, the chair starts the shihatsu portion of the massage. I am forced into the most violent involuntary shimmy you can imagine. I mean, parts that should not ever be moving are about to shake OFF! Aside from being slightly embarassing, it is a little too much on my back, then it calms down again, but not for long... I text a friend and tell her that I am in the midst of involuntary shimmying, and in her helpful wisdom, she texts back, "Go with it.". What choice do I have? I'm alone and I'm pushing every button on the remote, most of which actually cause the shimmy to INCREASE in strength. Finally, the timer stops the machine and I am not about to restart it.

Now comes the real foot action. The lady doing my pedi is really cute and sweet, and not a glamourpuss. She's very pleasant, and she buffs my feet with some kind of loofah on steroids. It doesn't hurt, but there were a couple of times where I nearly peed because it TICKLED. I should tell you that I am actually NOT ticklish, so this was quite unexpected. Next, she starts yanking my cuticles, or pushing them back, or whatever they do. This is uncomfortable, and makes me think of POWs, but she's not actually hurting me, so we press on. Now she grabs some green and gritty goo (I'm sure the proper name is exfoliant), and rubs it on my lower legs and feet, and we rinse it off in the heavenly warm tub. Nice, and barely even awkward having a stranger rub my legs and feet, since she's so friendly and professional.

Now to the polish. My favorite color is purple, so I picked an irridecent lilac shade, and she applied it with amazing speed and accuracy. I did not watch the process because I was too busy looking at a magazine (Elle), which turned out to be an entire book of nothing but advertisements featuring 14 year old girls in shorts and cowboy boots. Finally, we reach the end of the pedi and I look down at my feet...only they are NOT my feet. My feet look natural and pleasantly inconspicuous. The feet I am looking at are screaming, "LOOK AT MEEEEE! I'M PURPLE AND FLASHY!". I politely ignore them, thinking maybe they won't be so loud the next time I look. When I get home, my daughter immediately pronounces that they look like ogre toes. I think she was trying to kindly tell me that the look isn't "me". I take a glance at them and I have to agree. A few hours pass, and my feet are starting to showboat just a little less. My daughter tells me that they'll be's growing on her. I'm still not sure what I think.

I've decided to leave the polish on for a few days, and when it starts to chip, I'll remove it and go back to my coconut oil...but I may shimmy just a little for fun. ;0)


  1. I'm just a little embarrassed to think this was your first pedi whereas I've had a few before...

    They didn't bust out the cheese grater or foot slicer on you? Maybe they reserve those utensils for my unruly feet...

  2. Thankfully, no kitchen utensils were used. Dudes just don't moisturize enough....