Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Ponder This...Independence Days

Once again, a fellow blogger at asked some poingnant questions in his blog, and I decided to make them my topic today.

First Question: Can you relate to the dependent/independent struggle?

I'm pretty sure that most people who know me are aware that I am independent to a fault. It has always been somewhat of a struggle for me to let someone else "take the wheel" in my life. This is a difficulty in personal relationships, but even more so in a spiritual one. You see, I know that God has things under control, that he can get me through anything, open doors for me, that his love and desire to bless me is beyond what I can imagine. But, I'm not very good at waiting on Him. I many times feel that God will work things out, but in the meantime, I need to be doing THIS/THAT to make things work. I am not good at being still and letting things go and surrendering it all. I find that each time I manage to do it, struggles melt so much faster. So, I'm learning to work on that, and even to let people open doors for me if they are so inclined. ;0)

Question 2: When do you feel most vulnerable or defensive?

Here we could simply insert the above paragraph about when I have to let go of something and let someone else help me out. This comes I'm sure from not feeling that others are capable of taking care of things. I promise you that this has nothing to do with a big ego. It has to do with not feeling safe. When I was young, some of the adults that were in control of my life were not making good decisions. I had NO control over this, and it made me determined that when I was able to make my own decisions, I would take care of myself and those around me. I would do whatever it took to make sure things were RIGHT. (No human can do this 100 percent of the time, but it does not stop me from trying.) This means that I naturaly do not want to "Follow" anyone. (Sorry, Eric ;0) I will almost knee jerk against the crowd if I let myself, because I want to be the one who decides. Bless my husband who had no idea what he was getting into when he married me. But, over the years, I am trying to excersise my trust in others. Letting others lead me has brought me great joy in recent times. I let some random girl (Leslee at church tell me that we were gonna go out for coffee and be friends, and I ended up with a whole group of wonderful new ladies to love (my GNO girls). I listened to a friend who was offering me some space in her cafe for my clothing/jewelry creations, and I'm starting a business I love. I'm learning to let my 12 year old make her own decisions, and I'm trying to learn not to cringe while we see how they work out. Like everything in life, it's a process. One thing is for sure, I have learned that I could use a little less independence in my days.